Yesterday I found out that the mother of my high school sweetheart had passed away rather suddenly. As a person who lost both of my parents and the grandparents who raised me between the early ages of ten and twenty, I know something about how this kind of thing can totally change your life. As soon as I heard the news I immediately called my old boyfriend to express my condolences and talk about whatever he wanted to talk about. We talked some about his mom but mostly shared stories about our lives now and remembered some of the good old days when we were together. Afterwards, I was so glad I called and that I could be there for him somehow, even though a lot of time has passed since we were a couple. 

I think there are times in our lives when we are drawn back into old relationships for a reason or a season. It's been almost twenty years since he and I were a real part of each other's lives, but I think he knew he could turn to me for an understanding ear, as someone who has been through something similar, and as someone who could help him remember a life and time that was more "innocent" than what we see in the present.

I am not sure if these words will have meaning to anyone but him, but I want to pass them on as I did to him. When you are going through a difficult time of grief and loss, remember to be good to yourself. Treat yourself to things you love and spend time with people who you can be yourself around, people with whom words are not needed but that make you feel better by just being in the room. Take lots of naps whenever you can, eat good food and get a massage when possible. Most of all, be totally forgiving and understanding of yourself, your moods, and your actions during this time. You are not yourself and deserve a little extra self-acceptance.

Know that in time, grief will get easier. You will have moments and even hours when you can forget about the sadness, laugh and even have a good time in an activity. As each day passes, grief comes a little closer to being bearable, if you can just get to that day. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself and make room in your life to deal with the moments when you cannot ignore your feelings and melancholy.

Looking back on my own losses, I can truly say that while I deeply miss my parents and grandparents, in some ways their passing did as much to raise me well as anything they did when they were alive. I became a strong, spriritual, compassionate, independent person who values life and the people that I love. I know that life is short and try my best to enjoy every day and to express my feelings and appreciation for others openly and freely.

So with that, in case you are reading, Mark, let me say thank you for your presence in my life both back in when life was innocent and now. Thank you for being there in times when I needed you and for helping me to become the person I am. Thank you for all the moments you made me laugh by flipping me into the frozen foods at Kroger's or dressing up as Rambo to come and "rescue" me from a friend's house. And thank you for including me in this most precious yet difficult time in your life. I am honored that even after all this time you trust me enough to lean on me as a friend and to share your sadness. 1-4-3 for the times we shared and as my friend always. Peace be with you.